The Mom I’m Not..

The day is December 5th 2019. My daughter had raised enough money running laps to be invited to a Glow Party at her school. We show up for this very cool in cafeteria club experience, live DJ, photo booth, pizza, what more could a whole bunch of elementary school kids ask for? When we walk in we head straight for the dance floor. I mean of course we did! She’s her mommas daughter and LOOOVVES to shake her groove thing. She goes out and just stands there “ mom I’m nervous” “baby dont be! You love to dance just do your thing!” Nothing. Not a single dance move. So I walk up to her and dance with her. I pick her up for comfort and start dancing. I put her down and start spinning her. She gets comfortable. Look at my baby! We shook our grove thing together for 2 hours! I’m on the dance floor with a whole bunch of elementary school kids, laughing and dancing with my daughter. Lifting her in the air Dirty Dancing style. Spinning her around like a princess. Teaching her the running man and my world famous happy dance. It was glorious. I look around and there’s not one other parent on the dance floor. I. Am. The. Only. One. To be fair though, half way through a dad did join us and crushed the dance floor game! You go daddy-o! Anyway in this moment of laughing, spinning, and sweating out my very cute, but not made for dancing, outfit I realized what mom I want to be. I mean I had always kind of known, but becoming a mom young is weird. I didn’t fully know myself so how can I decide what kinda mom I am? Anyway I figured it out. Finally! Let me start by saying what kind of mom I AM NOT. Which I have no shame in admitting, because you know, no judgement here! I am not the house always clean mom. My house is only clean on Sunday’s it doesn’t last passed that, and when people are coming over, which In the passed year has only been 3 times. I am not the mom who washes, and puts away clothes. It’s just not going to happen. I hate laundry. If I could I would pay someone to do it, or even more crazy I’d just buy new stuff everyday and give my clothes that I didn’t wanna wash away (this isn’t nasty you should wash your hand me downs, and thrifted clothes) I am not the mom who plays dolls with the kids. Nope. I bought them for you. Use your imagination. (This one is a weird one for me though because when I was little I liked my mom playing dolls with me, she would do it half dressed while getting ready for work, it was wonderful, but me? I am not that mom and that’s okay) I also am not the mom that’s going to give in to all the tantrums for sweets and “junk food” (I don’t like this term because food is food and all food is great! Maybe not all healthy but great. But just don’t eat a shit ton of it everyday and you’ll be golden) I am not the mom that reads bedtime stories. I am not the mom that makes sure you have the most fun bubble bath ( although I use to be but now that I have two kids and two sets of curls to condition, detangle, and care for, on top of myself, no thank you, bring a pony in and we will call it a day, it’s showers all the way for us.) I am not the park mom. I HATE like HATE HATE taking the kids to the park. This has nothing to do with having two kids (okay it’s a little to do with it) it’s this, other kids are shits, people bring their kids to the park and just let them go wild, not following park etiquette (it’s a thing, teach your kids) bigger kids plowing over the little ones, no manners, and don’t even get me started on the creeps and the kidnappers. So no park for us (okay if my husband is with us, or I have one kid at a time, the park is a activity I MIGHT consider, but I still hate the park) I am not the PTA mom. I thought I wanted to be, but I don’t. I might volunteer but mostly I’m just there to hang with my kid. Wanna help me bake or cook? Psh nope. Not in this house, you can watch and ask questions but I do not! Wanna clean the mess you will inevitably make. There’s probably a ton of other things that a “good mom” is suppose to do but I can’t think of them (it’s currently 5:30am and I’m working *insert eye roll here*) let’s just go to the next part, the mom I am and the mom I know I want to be. The mom I know I am. I know I’m a helicopter mom. In a sense I guess. When we are out I’m all over my kids, my eyes never leave them, I am always right by their side doing what they are doing. At my house or my moms house, psh no, I’ll yell at you from another room and check on you, no answer? then I’ll come (and find you’re okay and then yell at you for not answering me) I am momma rage, I don’t have momma rage. I AM momma range. With everything in me I try my damnedest to not be but I am. don’t listen (I give 3 chances get off my back) momma rage. Keep being mean to your sister? Yup, momma rage. Won’t go play in your room. Momma rage. (I’m not always yelling, there’s plenty of perfectly happy days, days where the momma rage isn’t in full swing) I am the mom that has dance parties before bed (this is in place of the above stated no bedtime stories) I am the mom that will 100% always come to your defense. Someone being mean? I will talk to someone else’s kid and then talk to the parent. No shame here. Don’t fuck with my child, ya hear?! I am the mom that will run, jump and play with you. Wanna play tag, cool you’re it! Wanna roll in the grass, yes! Just please no grass in your hair. Wanna go for a walk? Put on your shoes, let’s roll. Wanna look at bugs? Let’s look at them together but no spiders for me. I am the mom who loves. I love to love. Wanna cuddle? No? Too bad, buckle up buttercup here comes the cuddle train! I am the mom that asks before I touch you, kiss you or hug you. I am the mom that asks my infant if it’s cool to change her diaper. I am the mom that’s constantly reading and worrying if I’m fucking up. I am the mom who is concerned about what is going into your body. We are vegan and I think that’s the best possible choice I could have made for my family. I am the mom who is a little judgmental, but only in the sense that I wish other moms didn’t just follow suit in how they were raised, or what other people in their families think a kid should be raised as. I am not judging you for what makes your day easier when handling your little assholes, but I am judging you for letting them do this or that because that’s how you were raised. We don’t live in that time anymore, our parenting has to change with the world around us and the new research coming out. I am the mom that won’t play with you because your kids aren’t vaccinated. I guess I am a typical mom. I guess I am a “good mom”. But there’s a lot of different moms out there, this just happens to be who I am. Who I am to my core. The mom I strive to be is the mom who is always in shape enough to play with my kids, to keep up with them. The mom who fuels her body with good, nutritious food so that I can continue to be with my kids as long as possible. I want to be the mom who teaches her kids that it’s okay to have treats, you don’t have to count calories or look a certain way, but you do have to take care of and honor your body. The mom I strive to be is the mom who makes her kids know that they are more than just their looks, that they are fun/smart/silly/sassy/courageous/brave etc. I want to be the mom that shows her kids that there’s nothing to be afraid of, if you believe in yourself there’s nothing you can’t do. Wanna dance but everyone is watching? Who cares! Get on that dance floor and shake your booty til 6 in the morning. I want to be the mom who teaches her kids that it’s okay if people don’t like you, hell it’s fucking ENCOURAGED! Hi hater! *hair flip* That it’s okay to be alone. Go see that movie, go on that trip, go try that new restaurant! Not everyone is going to want to do what you want to do and that’s okay, just roll solo. I know I said it before but it’s really important (and I wish other parents would see just how important it is) I want to be able to keep up with my kids. I want to be able to run and jump and play. I want to be able to always (for as long as I can) go on adventures with them. Wanna climb that hill? Fuck yeah let me get my comfy shoes. Wanna do a triathlon? Okay give me 3 months notice so I can train enough to kick your ass. I want to be the mom that her kids want to be around, the mom her kids AND her kids friends want to be around. I have no problem doing the van pool or being the one who always does pick ups and drop offs. I want to be there. I want to be the most involved I can tolerate. The most important thing to me is to be the mom that is always there. The mom that her kids always run to. The mom that her kids are never afraid to talk to. That’s the mom I know I want to be. That’s the mom that everyday I am striving to be. After this dance party, seeing all the uninvolved parents, I knew that I don’t want to be that mom, that might be okay for them, that’s just how they roll, that’s okay, but I don’t want to be that mom. But don’t worry, if my kid or your kid asks me why you don’t wanna be the involved mom that I am, I won’t throw you under the bus and say something like “oh they don’t like to play with their kids”, but I’m not going to lie, I’m going to tell them that everyone parents different, and that’s okay, let’s just have fun right now.