Just Another New Year Post.

We are upon yet another new year. As 2019 approaches I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what I want out of the New Year. New year, new me? No new year, BETTER me! As some of you know I went on a brief hiatus from social media this fall as I’ve been battling depression. I feel like it’s something that’s always there, but most of the time I can get a better handle on it, this time around I just can’t. I came off of that hiatus after about two months. I honestly feel like it was too early as I am still dealing with this major depression, but we will see how things slowly unfold. I am no where near “healthy” mentally. I have a lot of work to do. BUT! That’s where I’m at for the new year. I want my new year to be about improving myself. There was a time when I got dressed, did my hair/makeup, and felt good about myself, about life. There was a time where I was always singing and dancing. There was a time where everyone knew what my “happy dance” looked like. I don’t even remember my happy dance. I don’t remember when the last time I even sung and danced was. It’s been that long since I’ve been truly happy. Most days I feel angry and hopeless. So that’s what I am hoping to change in 2019. I’m hoping to find myself. I’m hoping to go on a spiritual journey to find my inner peace. To find who I am again. I know that girl is different than before. I know things have changed, but there’s no way I was meant to always be the angry/depressed woman I have come to be. There is no way! So what does that mean for 2019? That means minimizing clutter, and only keeping what benefits my life. Only keeping the things I NEED. That means cutting out/ distancing myself from people, family and others included, who don’t add joy into my life. Cutting out people, again family and others included, who just don’t respect me, my family or my choices. It means finally letting go of sexual/mental abuse that happened to me when I was younger, from family and friends,and in adult life (from who I thought was the love of my life). With that also means doing a self evaluation. I need to find my joys again. That means spending more QUALITY time with my husband, my kids, and friends (wherever they may be lol). For me it means getting back to my workouts. It means continuing to eat healthy. In 2019 I want to improve on myself, do get out of the deep blue sea of depression. I want to feel like I’m living life again. After the shit storm of 2017, 2018 had many ups and downs too. But 2018 made me a mom of two, and it made me a wife. 2018 made me a stay at home mom (looking for a job to do at home though, so holler at ya girl!) 2018 also brought up a bunch of deep dark secrets. 2018 made me want to focus more on MY little family, and less on making other family members happy. It made me want to rid myself of things not beneficial to me. 2018 made me stronger in a sense, but also made me weaker mentally. It’s stresses have pushed me to the limit, and I don’t want to live there anymore. I hope for a brighter 2019. I hope for a richer (both in life and money, lets be real) 2019. I hope this New Year brings me back to life. I have a lot of work to do, but I know I can do it. Here’s to 2019 and breaking free! Here’s to 2019 and truly being happy. 💛💛